She believes that she may not have been as good a wife and mother as she should be. She is aware of her imperfections and blames herself for the violence and abuse. And of course, this is just what her abuser is telling her too. “If you had done what I asked, I wouldn't have had to do that to you.” And it may be that her friends and family support him in saying that. Unfortunately, she is not responsible and nothing she does or doesn't do can make him stop abusing her. It's up to him to take responsibility for the abuse, and for stopping it.